Liberator 2.2
Sista To Sista
words: Asha Taylor
 

Am I an only child? Do I love myself? Do I love my sistas, mamas, aunties, nieces, girlfriends, and daughters? Do I have love to give to these women? Do they love and possess love to give to me? These are a few questions that I asked myself a year ago, when I began to feel more alienated from black females. I felt and realized the great schism that lies within the black female community. While I can relate to a woman of any race (because we are both human and females), black women are the only ones who can fully understand me as a person: my needs, struggles, and mind state. However, I found myself being pushed away by my own sistas so much that I began doing it also. It is then that God convicted my spirit and forced me to question why things didn’t feel right. So, why do we turn against one another? Why do we tear each other down and keep each other down through criticism and alienation? Why is it that we violate each other’s relationships? Why are we so hesitant to compliment one another? Speak to one another? Smile at one another? It may be that some of us haven’t had the example set before us. If this is the case then we must break the generational curse and be better examples for our daughters, nieces, and other younger females. Maybe some of us are insecure. We feel threatened by a coveted quality in another female and we “hate.” In this case, we should learn to be proud of our sista and attempt to learn from her, in hopes of growing as a person. We should also realize that her beauty is our beauty too, for we are one.

Sistas we need to wake up! I’m sure I’m not the only one who notices the growing gap between black females, even blood relatives. Before we can begin to even fathom healing the relationships with our men and rebuilding healthy communities, we must learn to love and respect one another. It goes hand in hand with loving and respecting ourselves. All of us are daughters of Mama Africa; therefore, not a single one of us is an only child. Because we are away from our mother Africa, we must hold onto each other: embrace, support, and respect one another: upholding “the way” of the Motherland. In school, the workplace, the home, worship place, and all the in-between times we must respect and support each other as women and sistas with a common struggle. Of course I realize that we won’t like every female we come across; however, the reflection of God and ourselves that we see in our sistas should enable us to love. Our female elders must be respected, cared for, listened to, and cherished because it is from them that we must learn of our past. In them lies the key to understanding ourselves and the generations that lie ahead of us. They are our mothers, grandmothers, aunties, counselors, and teachers: they are the ones who have the ability to warn us of the dangers that we may face in life. They are an image of who we will or can become: it is up to us whether we want to follow in their exact footsteps. However, we must listen to, learn from, and respect them in order to know them. By knowing their strengths and weaknesses, we are able to choose which traits we’d like to emulate or avoid.

Our younger females need to be able to come to us and know that we understand, accept, and relate to them. They need to know that the community is willing to catch them when they fall, and do everything in our power to heal their wounds. They need to know that they will not be condemned for making mistakes, but instead supported and shown the path to growth, healing, and self-discovery. Before judging our sistas based on their clothing, behavior, speech, or body language, we should open ourselves up to learning each other’s story. This will reveal our similarities: permitting us to build on our similarities and better understand our differences. This will produce unity, strength, and support for all of us. This will help us to love ourselves more because we’ll understand our worth. This will teach us how to carry ourselves with respect and humility; it will show others the way they will be allowed to treat us. We will reject negative images that others try to feed us through miseducation and ignorance. We are not Jezebel. We are not Mammy. We are not “hoes,” “broads,” “bitches,” or “tricks.” We must stop viewing ourselves and our sistas as such. We must stop being molded by these stereotypes! We must stop allowing others to tell us who we are and begin asking GOD who we were created to be! We are mothers, healers, fighters, beautiful, growing, daughters, leaders, princesses, queens, imperfect, strong, weak, survivors, human: reflections of ALLAH. Remember that the next time you look at your sista and you’re about to judge: who are you to judge the Creator’s reflection? Who am I to judge the Creator’s reflection?

Knowing that God created each of us in His/Her image, we should feel confident in what and who we are. Each of us possesses something that others don’t; this gift or trait is given to each of us so that when we unite, it will benefit the community as a whole. We shouldn’t be competing against one another, but only striving to be better women so that we can contribute to our community. We should want to bear as much fruit as possible for the providing of our community. But our positive traits, gifts, talents, wisdom, and knowledge isn’t benefiting anyone if we’re too afraid to trust…to proud to learn…to insecure to admire…and too immature to love. How can we love our men, when we don’t love ourselves? Praying for God to heal our relationships and our hearts is the first step. Allowing this healing to take place is the next step. Embracing and sharing our healing, to heal other sistas, is the final step to mending our weakened bonds. I am you. You are me. She is we. And we are we. Hotep.