White Woman's Opinion of Black Women

[brianold]

my sister sent me this... probably one of those stupid fake letters but still good ideas here:


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I'm not sure if these are actual letters, if this exchange actually happend or just written to provoke thought and conversation but it's good none the less. In the day and age of MTV & BET, society overlooks the worth of The Black Woman because we aren't portrayed as royalty in the media and in today's pop culture nor do we carry ourselves as such these days but I'm glad this is going around. While the man's comments confirm the worth of our women (and support the need for Black Men to appreciate and help to uplift us), I believe we can also learn from the caucasians woman's point of view as well. We do need to heal ourselves from the excess baggage we carry, heal our bodies from the unhealthy life-styles we live, heal our minds from the conditioning that has taught us these behaviors, educate ourselves about our history and the women who have lead this fight before us and realize that this modern day slavery (i.e. credit, debt, (intentional) negative images in the media) is aimed towards making us feel inferior so we cannot be in positions of power to change this system. Imagine if we were able to change our habits and ways of thinking to reverse the affects of all of those negative things and rise to the positions on this earth and as human beings were intended to hold.....imagine....nah, don't just imagine....Let's do this!!!!!!!

Peace, Love and Strength to all my sistas reading this and to my brothas who appreciate, love, protect and respect their QUEENS!

One Love,
Francesca



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White Woman's Opinion of Black Women

It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from black men. I'm so glad she got what she asked for (and more) !!!

Dear Jamie:
I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers.
I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's attitudes about our relationship.

My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.

Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes.

I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them.

Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...

I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA






RESPONSE
Dear Jamie:
I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.
Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men.

I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy.

The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls.

Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control.

I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white women.

Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few.

I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history!

It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery.

It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!

It is because of the black women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could> never> date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them.

Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous?

I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.
BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children.

Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.

No offense taken, none given.
Signed, Black Royalty
Wow!! We must pass this on to make the day of the Black Queens of our
acquaintances!



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Franny,

First off... this quote bothers me in that I'm tired of this "The Brothers", "The Wood", and "The Best Man" portrayal of what a successful black man is...

"have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men."

More importantly, how do we go about doing this (if we are black women) and how do we go about helping our sisters do this (if we are black men)??? Obviously the first thing we can do is create a healthy relationship for ourselves and our mate. And of course we can make sure that we treat the women we encounter in our daily lives respectfully as possible, also gently and with understanding... But outside of that, what else do you believe needs to happen? What's your vision for how this healing should take place? What are the systematic ways that we can start to create? Should we be starting women's social groups? Maybe women/men social groups that encouraged healthy relationships outside of work between black men and women... Or is reading Essence Magazine and watching Oprah as good as it gets on the larger level for healing?

-yo bruddah




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I agree with that (the movie portrayal of what a successful black man is). You can be successful and not have any of those things.

Ultimately, I think it starts with changing the way we view ourselves (individually). If we have a poor self image how are we to even begin encouraging somonelse to do the same? If we view ourselves and carry ourselves in a positive manner, we will attract people of the same caliber. We obviously can't expect everyone to agree that they need to let go of some baggage or change they're lifestyle and way of thinking or even take the steps to do so. If they don't feel they have any of those problems, they're not even gonna be willing. I say, lead by example. Be the best you so you can attract and be surrounded by people doing the same. The mind set on the East Coast is so different. Everyone out here is ON all the time. Seems, no one is genuine. Everyone is a producer, rapper, model, actress, director etc. No one is just WHO THEY ARE. None of those things acrruately describes someone. They are titles. I am a mother, sister, daughter, wife...none of those "titles" accurately describe Francesca ya know. Am I looking in the wrong places? Perhaps, but there's just an entirely different culture out here that breeds this superficial one-sided way of thinking. It's sad. The brothas out here are more interested in keeping up this image and trying to fit in with what the t.v. tells them is cool and successful. No one is really worried about finding someone with some substance to grow with. Seems being fine with a nice pedicure and looks good in a skirt is the only prerequisite now days. On the flip side of that. Sistas out here want a man with a nice car, money to take her shopping and shit like that. I've never been into any of that. Don't care what kinda car someone drives and have never asked anyone to by me anything or pay any bill for me. How are women to attract a genuine man when no one is presenting themselves in a genuine way? Everyone's persona is attracting someonelses persona. Doesn't go much deeper than that and doesn't seem like anyone cares. It's just the way it is.

I'm not saying I have the answer but I know some serious changes in the way black men and women need to occur. There's no respect or sense of kinship. How do we go about doing this? It starts with each individual changing the way they view themselves and the opposite sex. We are all paying for what someonelse has done, someonelses broken heart, someonelses abuse and so forth. Are we giving off the same type of energy we'd like to attract? Are we being our very best selves? Hell yeah, there should be womens social groups, will anyone participate? There should be forums for both sistas and brothas to discuss the ways we all related to eachother and what each thinks the other could do to help heal the other. I think it starts at the individual level though.
This is an issue that's really been buggin me lately, that's why I wrote that before I forwarded it. I know I'm jaded because of my past and the enviroment I live in here but it's sad. Also, dealing with my own issues at home with my new husband, watching my friends go through the same shit....it's frustrating. I don't ever want to be the type of woman who says black men ain't shit but brothas out here are on a different level. L.A. is no joke. It's hard to become the best you with all you have to endure here. I don't know B. It makes my head and my heart hurt.




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You're right it starts at the individual level... but once you realize that for yourself, then it's time to look towards the next level right? Cause all the next level is suppossed to do is help more people realize it on an individual level anyway right?

Social groups and forums are the two solutions I think we should concentrate on after we as individuals have realized our own need for change and start to becomes models for how to walk that journey... cause it will always be a journey. We cant wait to get perfect before we help someone else try... otherwise we'll never help, cause we surely wont ever be perfect.

I envision the liberator as a forum for those types of issues. Maybe the next step for you is reaching our to your mom, steph, tierra, etc... getting the women around you and who you have a certain level of respect and influence with/from already to start participating in discussions more often, maybe posting to the liberator blog, emailing, talking on the phone, whatever they feel comfortable with... but actually having DEDICATED TIME/SPACE for that... like church... matter of fact this IS more important than church!!! and even hanging out with eachother moreoften in positive character and esteem building settings...

[semiferger]

I read that article. his is why I don't deal with white women who date black men because most of them think like that about black women.