On black men and black women relationships "can't we all just get along..."

[achali]

On black men and black women relationships "can't we all just get along..."
by Masauko Chipembere {via Facebook}

Last night I listened as Ntozake Shange gave us her truths about love, humanity, violence, music and women. The woman has had two strokes in the last ten years and is still standing and sharing poetry. She says, "where there is woman there is magic" and exemplifies that truth.

Shange said that the revolution for black women was about regaining their happiness irregardless of men. The revolution for black women was about mental health. She said it was about healing our relationships with each other. I agree wholeheartedly.

I would like to add that the revolution for men is no different. It is about moving beyond what America has taught us about women. In America, woman is seen as object. Richard Wright use to call it, "woman as body of woman." What he meant is that we sometimes deal with the woman as if she were the body and not the woman. This is a way towards disaster. It is the American way though.

Think about what it means to you as a man. It means that you are terrified of marriage because you know you will no longer be able to go shopping for a new woman's body. It means that you are forever unhappy with the woman you are with because she will only be desirable for the 20 years between 20 and 40 when she can look similar to something in a magazine.

But when is there a discussion about the wounds in your soul? What about the police brutality, the white racism, the black on black hate, the job, the dreams you are never sure you will realize. Who will look at all of that and say, "I SEE YOU, not just your body but your fears and dreams and I accept you black man...your imperfections are perfect to me..."?

I know that every man out there wants a woman who can sit with him and listen to his fears and dreams and make him feel safe. A body cannot do that! A woman can and she can do it even better when she gets older and wiser.

The truth of the matter fellas is that you are having sex with the spirit not the body. Once you understand the nature of love, you will find that you can have the deepest sexual experiences with the woman you have the deepest mental experiences with. You may already know that in your mind. If you do, understand this, you are running from the deeper experience of love for a couple of reasons:

1) Because it means you have to commit to a woman and create a family. This is terrifying for you because way down deep you know America is trying to kill you and you don't want to bring children into the world to be food for these folks prisons.

2) It is frightening because we have seen infinite amounts of failure in the realm of marriage and relationships from the people who came before us.

3) It is frightening because you can't get a real job and the sistas you would like to be with gets better jobs than you and you have been taught that a man is a bread winner....

4) Your mother was an single lady through whom your learned that the existence of black woman is intrinsically involved with pain and little else.

SOLUTIONS:
1) You need to understand that you are an ancient soul having a human experience in the now. You aren't actually just a black man in America or South Africa or wherever. You are the product of a people who were the first people to populate the earth. Your people were the first to marry on the planet. They survived through a lot to make it possible for you to be here today.

2) Your Mama and your daddy made you suffer because they had suffered and never found a way to break the cycle. You breaking the cycle and choosing to be loving and peaceful is the boldest act of revolution you will ever do. It makes you as brave as Malcolm X. It also means that the white world that attempted to devalue your soul has failed which is a sweet victory.

3) Always understand your daddy was just as much to blame as your mama and question why you never really thought that one through until this moment. Why was his absence more forgivable than her persistence and pain. Maybe it was because her pain was visible, his not being able to be there made your dichotomous American mind create a perfect father somewhere who was victim to this mother who failed to show you how to be a man. That wasn't her job cat!

4) There is infinite peace in marriage and family for a man. There is infinite joy in having children and watching them grow to be intelligent and kind people. We are spiritual beings in a physical existence. When you keep your karma clear with women and children you open the doors to miracles. Whatever is running this earth likes balance. Our ancient ancestors called that balance Ma'at and it was a feminine energy. In ancient Africa God was Ra and he was personified as the sun. However, Ra had to move within the Sky which was personified by the deity Nut. The male God Ra could get nothing done with out the ability to move within the sky which is female energy called Nut. Our civilization controlled the world and lasted longer than any other empire when our concept of the deity included both the female and the male as one.

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[nikki]

thanks for sharing.

///Shange said that the revolution for black women was about regaining their happiness irregardless of men. The revolution for black women was about mental health. She said it was about healing our relationships with each other. I agree wholeheartedly.///

yeah, i agree with that for sure. it's crazy how much that mentality of locating your happiness in a mate will mess you up if it's not balanced and tempered with the healing she speaks of...but i would add even healing your relationship with yourself too...i think, from my own experience, that we have a lot of self-inflicted wounds that come from not really SEEing ourselves and loving that self that is an 'ancient soul'...