African marriage customs [video]

[achali]

[amakacamille]

Black love is truly a revolutionary thing. So beautiful!
Now, marriage as an institution can definitely reproduce gender roles that some may find highly problematic and oppressive... But I don't think it has to be that way. We can reshape institutions like marriage. And we can also work to stop essentializing roles within marriage, ie women that are comfortable in "traditional" roles should still be valued as much as their husbands are, inside the marriage, families, and communities.

Interesting that mostly women spoke in this video...

[starshine]

Ok, I've articulated the core of my argument already in a related post, but I'm on 10, so I'm just going to keep going...

(*Steps back on soap-box*)

We have to reach a place, as pan-African communities, where we are open and honest about the kind of dishonesty that pervades a number of our unions. Historically, marriage in the Motherland served practical purposes, and a whole-hell-of-a-lot of problems grew out of that. Like @amakacamille, I'm all about black love times infinity and to the n-th power. But love and marriage are not synonymous. Err'body wants to talk about paying dowry and shit but nobody wants to talk about the fact that the real cost of the marriage is paid when the union isn't rooted in a love of self, a love of other, and a love and respect for the partnership. Furthermore, in African marriages, the links are incredibly deep, as described by the folks in the video (i.e. you're not only joining with an individual, but a family, a clan, etc.) This is all well and good when the stars are shining and the birds are chirping and Minnie Ripperton is in the background and shit, but it is unbearable and destructive--soul-deadening--when them birds fly south for the long, hard, cold winter.

(*Steps off soap-box again, and sips water*)