Can't good girls like sex, too?

[brianold]

black commentator posted this joint monday. i thought it was an interesting question... i observe and probably have held these types of views... often we dont discover them because we dont talk about them... and then our art and culture feeds off of the lack of dialogue for material, producing artistic material that is uninformed... so i say more talk. is that ideal of a lady in public and freak in the bed okay?



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Friday, April 07, 2006
Can't good girls like sex, too?

posted @9:00 AM
Midwest nails it (pun intended) squarely on the head on Kiss & Blog this morning.

Warning...candid sexual rant of the sort you will almost never find here. Chalk it up to Friday morning craziness...

I've frankly never understood the false dichotomy in the minds of men between *girls you can meaninglessly f*ck* and *nice girls.* To me, it sounds as if good girls shouldn't like sex. As if, by showing that you enjoy sex with a guy you're in love with, you've somehow devalued yourself in the commodity market of dating.

Therein lies the dilemma for every good girl who wants love and respect, along with a decent sex life with a man she adores.

Remember, you were warned....


Whatever happened to wanting a girl who is a lady in public and a tiger in your bedroom?

I sometimes wonder if the American male's obsession with virginity and the malish insistence upon purusing uncharted territory (in some cases, girls who just don't like to be touched very much), coupled with the thought that there is a separation between the girls you f*ck and the girls you marry, is somehow linked to the studies that indicate that up to 50% of men cheat after marriage.

I mean, think about it. Doesn't anyone see a correlation between socially rewarding women for being frigid and uptight about sex, and marital issues with female low libido after marriage? Is it really shocking? You don't have to look very far to find loads of married men online who are unsatisfied sexually and even blogging about it.

In other words, guys, think about it...if you're going to spend the rest of your life f*cking one, and only one person, don't you want it to be someone who actually LIKES it and is open to trying new things so that your sex life doesn't get as stale as ten year old bread? Liking it with you, because she is in love with you, does not equate to liking it with every cock she encounters.

This is a deeply personal issue for me. When X and I were dating, because I was head over heels in love with him, I was my normal horny self (the self that only seems to come out with a guy I really, really care about), which meant I didn't have a favorite time of day (they were all fair game), didn't have only one favored position (liked them all), and didn't have any hangups about location (the bathroom sink was just as good as the bed). I wanted him because i loved him.

He seemed to enjoy this immensely when we were dating. But, suddenly, after we were married, his enjoyment ceased. He didn't want his wife to act like a girlfriend. In his mind, an active sex life was great when you were dating, but married people shouldn't act like that.

I'm pretty vanilla when it comes to sex. Not vanilla in Utah Mormon terms, but vanilla when it comes to 75-80% of the American population. I don't sleep around, I'm hopelessly faithful, I'm happiest in a long-term committed relationship, and since my divorce, I've drawn my sexual boundaries with a permanent marker and tossed guys aside in a heartbeat for violating them. Nonetheless, my vanilla (with teensy flecks of chocolate chips) was too much for X because I didn't fit his arbitrary philosophy of how a wife should act (dignified, respectable, asexual).

A young guy I know is contemplating marrying a girl he's dated for years who constantly withholds sex from him as a way of manipulating him into doing what she wants. He doesn't think she even likes sex all that much, and believes she mainly does it to appease him. Does he really think it will get better after marriage? Why do guys think so irrationally when it comes to the "good girl i want to marry" dichotomy?

Male thinking on this subject really twists good girls who like sex with the man we love into a mental and sexual pretzel, and not in a good way, either. It's so illogical. It makes sense that while you wouldn't want your wife-to-be consorting with half the university football team, you also would want to ensure, before exchanging rings and destinies, that you are sexually compatible. I mean, after all, sex is an important part of marriage, isn't it?

And, since this is the only naked body you're going to be seeing for decades in your bed, wouldn't you want it to be someone that is as pleased by your efforts as you are by hers? So, what is the point, really, of pursuing women who don't really like sex all that much? Trust me, they're out there. A lot of the mormon girls I knew weren't clinging to their sexual boundaries and resisting male incursions because they were going to turn into a raging sexual tiger after marriage. They were doing it, not just for religious reasons, but for personal ones, as well. Sex grossed them out. They didn't like it. Didn't enjoy it. Didn't like being touched. Didn't like being held. Weren't physically affectionate. Their religion took it one step further by imbuing their personal distaste with God's mandate, a complete mind f*ck, if you will. Girls who were told sex is evil, sex is bad, don't let a man touch you for years were suddenly expected to be open, welcoming, and receptive within hours after being married. Yesterday, it was a horrible sin. Today, it's okay. Enjoy! Guess what? Many of them didn't. They were scared, miserable, and didn't know how to shut off the "sex is bad" switch.

In what way is that a healthy system to find someone with whom you can live happily for years?

Thank god the chef is a rational man.